When You're Gone
by Into.Your.Arms
Summary: Noahs feelings when Alli leaves to go and see Lon at the hotel-oneshot. Rated T for hinted at adult themes but only to be safe really.


When You're Gone

When You're Gone

_Crash!_

The car door slammed and the first crack appeared, searing through me like a gunshot. The engine began causing 100 tiny fissures to splinter my heart. I was going to pieces for the third time in my life and it was no easier than the first. The fissures in my heart grew wider and everything else began to fail.

Slowly, the colours around me blurring into a sea of lonely blue, I made my way towards the house. White with blue shutters and a big porch wrapped all around. Just the way She'd wanted it. I'd done everything I could for Her, everything to bring Her back to me but it wasn't enough. He was proof of that. Lon Hammond Junior of Hammond Cotton. How could She ever choose me over that? He was everything that was right for Her and I was everything that was wrong.

I climbed the stairs to the porch and threw myself into one of the straw white chairs. There were two, one for me and one for Her. One glance at the empty chair behind me and a whole new set of cracks appeared, turning quickly to crevasses tearing my soul apart.

I stood carefully trying to hold myself together and entered the house through the front door. The door I had carried Her through only the night before. A knife sliced through my stomach at this thought and I gripped myself, trying to hold it together. I couldn't let this happen again. It wasn't right for me to feel this way about someone I could never have. Someone I wasn't destined to have. I wasn't right for Her, meant for Her. I just had to accept that and it would be ok but I couldn't. She was perfect.

I continued through the house blindly until I finally found myself in the dining room. Except it wasn't really a dining room, not to me. It was The Room. The room that first caused us to be torn apart. The room where She told me She loved me. This room contained 1000 memories etched silently into the walls never to be forgotten. Not a moment with her could be forgotten.

I couldn't stay here dwelling in the past. I couldn't lower myself any further down the spiral of depression that had quickly engulfed me at departure but I knew what life without her would be like. I had lived as a broken man, the days passing in a haze of woodwork, rowing and alcohol. There was Martha, but Martha was nothing compared to Her. And now, after all this time there were fresh memories to compare Martha with. She couldn't match up no matter how she tried. And would she want to? After seeing Us together. Meeting Her.

I moved upstairs somehow finding myself a beer and into the bedroom. I sank down to the bed, despair finally forcing my knees to give way as I remembered the previous night. A taste of heaven ripped cruelly from my reach. But She always had been too perfect, too heavenly for me. Knowing that wouldn't make it any easier to forget Her. Even now, there was still that one part of me, undamaged by the pain that slashed at me from within, that held on to the thought that maybe, just maybe, She might come back. Just maybe I was the right guy for Her. Society and class systems held no weight with me and maybe, just maybe it was the same for Her. It was a futile hope but it was the one that had kept me alive all through the seven years I had spent without Her. The tiny glimmer of a brighter future that I had clung to as I rebuilt this house just the way She wanted it after I first saw Her with Lon.

I rolled onto my front pulling the red blanket around me that had so recently held Her in it's warm grasp. The feeling gave me some comfort even as the memory of it sparked another wave of pain through me and, finally, I had reached breaking point. My pulse beat loudly in my ears drowned out only a little by an intense ringing sound. My vision was blurred with a mixture of tears and compete shut down. My whole body shook.

The cracks in my heart splintered for the final time, tearing me into tiny pieces. The emotion had drained me and, face down in the spot where just the night before we had made love, sleep washed over me. I dreamt broken, fragmented dreams of a broken man. A man who had no mother, who had lost his father and who had lost Her. The only piece of heaven ever to bless him with its gaze and its love.

The fissures burst, an explosion within me. This was the end.

_A.N Just a short one shot of Noah's feelings when Ali left him to go to the hotel. I really hope you guys enjoyed it :) The Notebook is one of my favourite films and one of few that reduces me to inconsolable tears almost every single time. It inspired me completely and I must read the book. Please review and tell me what you guys thought. I love getting reviews and CC it really helps me to improve my writing :) Just no flames, they are pointless and mean. _


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